Coping with Grief and Loss

Symptoms of Grief

Grief impacts your whole self: body, brain, mind, and spirit—not just emotions.

• Emotional waves: Sadness, yearning, depressed mood, mood changes, tearfulness, and crying are normal ups and downs in grief
  • Feelings of helplessness, loss of control, panic, anxiety, fear of death, shock, denial, or numbness
  • Guilt, shame, remorse, regret, anger, or even relief as mixed emotions surface
  • Loneliness from withdrawal or feeling disconnected from others.
• Physical shifts: Changes in sleep/eating patterns, fatigue, exaggerated startle response
• Body arousal: Anxiety symptoms, increased illnesses (headaches, colds, stomach aches, back pain, hypertension)

How to Help a Friend

Tips and Recommendations

• Be direct and genuine: Speak openly about the loss. Avoid false cheer or minimizing their pain; just let them feel what they feel.
• Show up: Your presence matters. Call, visit, or share a meal to provide consistent companionship.
• Listen without judging: Offer the gift of silence. Let them vent without offering unsolicited advice or feeling like you need all the answers.
• Take initiative: Send a text or call—not just immediately, but weeks or months later when other support tends to fade.
• Promote self-care: Gently encourage them to look after their physical and emotional health, and suggest professional support if needed.
• Know your limits: You can't fix their grief. Accept that it's a natural process they must navigate at their own pace, and remember to care for yourself too.

Supporting a Friend After Suicide Loss

A friend's suicide often deeply impacts close peers, and can spark intense grief mixed with survivor's guilt, confusion, or even their own suicidal thoughts.

• Be present and listen actively. Sit with them, let them share grief, guilt, or confusion without interruption as these feelings are common after suicide.
• Offer patience and understanding. Healing can take longer with suicide loss; avoid rushing them back to "normal" or comparing to other grief. Give space for their unique process.
• Check in regularly and gently. Text or call ongoing (weeks/months later), offer practical help like meals, rides, or homework support. Don't overwhelm, show reliability.
• Never blame or judge. Skip "what if" questions or cause speculation; suicide is complex—focus on compassionate presence instead of explanations.
• Encourage professional support. If school, eating, or self-care slips, gently suggest campus counseling or groups. Normalize help as a strength.

How to Help Yourself

• Be gentle and patient with yourself: These are protective signals, not weakness.
• Try to take good care of your physical body. Eat when and what you can, stay hydrated, rest when you're able, and move your body in ways that feel supportive.
• Small steps help: Journal gently, walk with a friend, or try grounding breaths (inhale 4, hold 7, exhale 8) to feel more steady.
• Express your emotions: Drawing, engaging in creative activities, talking to others, etc. provide opportunities to connect.
• Expect ups and downs: The healing process isn't linear. Some days may feel more manageable than others.
• Reach out for support: It's okay to ask, whether it be someone to talk to or accommodations; friends and campus resources want to help you when you're ready.

Resources

• The Jed Foundation - Grief and Loss
• SAMHSA - Coping with Bereavement and Grief
• Coping with Grief and Loss - PDF Handout